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Forums Mp3 Audio Tracks Need some feedback (lyrics)

Need some feedback (lyrics)

Page:   1  
UserPost

5:20 am
10/14/11


falcon63

Member

posts 16

1
0

Didn't know where else to post this. I have a couple of questions…first off, what is the best free beat maker? I really want to make a beat similar to Harder Than You Think, because, well, when I put these lyrics into audio, I want it over an original beat.

Also, can I have some constructive criticism on these lyrics? They spit well with the beat to the song above, so I'd play that while spitting. It's only 16 lines right now, so it doesn't go all the way into the chorus, but I want to know if I have a good/bad starting base. 


Note: I'll say it again, play that song while spitting this, sounds much better, in my opinion.

in this society full of stupid, ignorant teens

we're all entrapped in the government's malevolent schemes

corrupting the youth, with their, subliminal soldiers

called the media, a medium, for the New World Order

they slant the news, according, to personal agendas

by swaying persuasion through, of course, propaganda

so stand up, we need to rise against these factions

that are producing false prophets, used to brainwash the masses

you'd be wise to take these words into consideration

you're being ruled by the government's Illuminati nation

full of crooked officials who corrupt populations

they indoctrinate you through their presses and statements

it's like these puppets fall in line with whatever they say

they're infecting the gene pool, with their, racism and hate

we need to facilitate a way to contain all of this evil

that's exposing itself to the brains of millions of people


and currently, we got a fucking monkey in office

being influenced by the shady dealings of caucuses

he claimed he'd bring home troops, and put an end to this war

but he fucking lied, all he did was send out some more 

and what about the economy, what's that say of Obama?

we're all struggling out here, while he's in the Bahamas

he's wasting our time, with his political bullshit

let's be real for one second, ya'll know he's the real culprit

he may have a nice smile that compliments his charisma

but underneath it all, he's a plotting sinister

preying on the minds of the weak for no reason at all

his immoral actions are constituted as treason, ya'll

maybe one day, we can all become enlightened

and we won't have to resort to all this killing and violence

we come from different backgrounds but we're one in the same

we're all just players in the government's sick-minded game


5:57 pm
10/16/11


twiztidkid

Member

posts 8

2
0

I really like your verse. Dope shit right there. I'm unaware of any free beat makers but Fruity Loops has a good trial version.


Do you want to collab? You've got fresh stuff and thoughtful lyrics!

8:10 am
10/17/11


Young Chicon

Member

CHI-TOWN

posts 5

3
0

hey buddy those are some dope lyrics. I just got signed to new world legendz if you can spit like that i bet you can get signed in no time. i'm a real rap critic so when i say ur good i mean ur good as long as you know how to make it flow


9:24 am
10/19/11


D method

Member

posts 88

4
0

Ayo real lyrics man, real issues thats tight


http://www.wix.com/newworldlegendz/nwl#!__artists-and-musik


go check it out, if you interested i can make things happen for you


Young ChiconCoolstay up!

1:36 pm
10/19/11


Ricky Phoenix

Member

Phoenix Az

posts 95

5
0

We could use your talent on my label hmu lets talk rickyphxthe1@gmail.com

America’s Nightmare Coming Soon CrossBreed Entertainment/ Undentiful Records

8:44 am
10/20/11


vengence

Member

posts 12

6
0

Those lyrics are real man! that is some real talk, hit me up, you got massive talent and my record label is looking to sign : Verdict Records™


http://www.wix.com/life_995/vengence

9:52 am
10/31/11


Dr. Jekyl Da Beast

Member

FrIsKo BaY aReA

posts 1

7
0

You got some good stuff written!  If you don't mind me asking, how does your hook go with the verse?  I have similar stuff written down on a beat my cousin made!

6:26 pm
11/13/11


falcon63

Member

posts 16

8
0

thanks guys, will look over some of the stuff you guys posted. sorry it took me so long to get back, i'm working on some more lyrics right now for a different song, and i added one more verse to this for the hell of it. but yeah, took me so long cause i just had major knee surgery for the third time last three years (football player in college), but i'll be on more while i'm recovering and can't go to classes


here's some other stuff i'm working on (feedback would be appreciated, will RTF on anyone else's if they post a link to the thread)…not my best stuff, but I'm experimenting with changing the pace up, and coming in slow and upping the tempo as i go:


Yeah, I'm sick of this bullshit mainstream narcissism

subliminally encrypting hate, collaborating to make cataclysyms

that shit ain't rap, it's tainting, corrupting gene pools

creating populations, a nation, of fucking evil

it's not too late, to incinerate your obsessions

obliterate the collections, of rappers who let out aggression

by suppressing those who oppose their message, they're supposed to represent

a poet in disguise, even though they're hardly heaven-sent 

you're discarding everything, we worked hard to renovate

these words carry more weight than Chris Farley's emulate


only 10 lines, missing 2, gonna write some more on both pieces

Page:   1  

 

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